Stories About VB

1.

June 1980

Its 3:00pm, in Wallingford, OK at Riverside Elementary School and school gets out in 30 minutes. I should be so excited – 3rd grade is coming to an end and school is out for the summer in a few days. But I am scared to death. David and Jeff will be outside waiting for me because the older grades get out earlier than the younger grades and they told me that they would be. I know they are there, I know they want to hurt me, I don’t know what to do and I am scared.''

''At lunch that day David and Jeff told me that they were going to beat me. I can still see David’s smile – cruel, mean and heartless, Jeff was just the oafish follower but he was big and intimidating. For the rest of the day I “caved” internally and focused on “why are they picking on me” as opposed to “what am I going to do”. As I thought about why they targeted me it made no sense:  ''

·        ''David and Jeff were in 6th grade – the oldest grade in school - and I didn’t even interact with these guys ''

·        ''They picked on a lot of younger kids, mostly smaller ones, but I was actually pretty big for my age. They would make comments – verbal bullying – usually about my clothes or glasses and while it made me uncomfortable I could always walk away from it with only a bit of embarrassment ''

·        ''They never threatened physical abuse until they found out I was a different religion. Let’s just say David and Jeff were not the most “worldly and exposed” kids''

''I wallowed like this for several hours during class until about 3:00pm when I walked up to my teacher and told her that I was being bothered by some older boys. While I don’t remember her exact response, it was essentially “don’t worry about it, they won’t hurt you”. I was devastated by this response. She seemed like she had other things on her mind.''

'' So what happened? I told my good friend Steve B. who was in'' my class about it and he essentially “escorted” me past David and Jeff. Steve was one of the coolest kids I knew and he was strong – physically and he had a presence to him. He probably has no idea how grateful I still am to him. ''

'' So what happened the next day? I sought Steve out immediately after I got off of the bus and stayed near him. I saw David and Jeff and while I caught a glare they were verbally abusing other kids. It went like this for a few more days and I never saw David and Jeff again as they went to Jr. High and I was still in grade school for a few more years''

Oct 2014

34 years after that day I am a 6’3”, 210 pounds, confident, mildly successful, happily married father who is still bothered by these two individuals and by my reaction to them. Here is what I learned and hopefully it can help you:

·        I hold no ill will to my teacher for responding in her passive way that she did. 'One needs to be concise, clear and to provide examples when they are asking for help'

·        I never told my parents about this. I was too embarrassed. Not every parent is a great parent, but if yours are decent give them a chance to help

·        I am so thankful for my friend Steve. Everyone needs a strong friend like Steve and friends are often your best ally. 'Trust your friends'

·        Wallowing and being a victim didn’t do me any good. 'Asking for help and perspective did'

·        The most lasting event from that time is the fact that I am so embarrassed, shameful that I felt comfort when David and Jeff picked on other people instead of me the next day and in general. I feel weak for this and if I could have done anything different I would have helped them. 'Help others when they need it, not just because it might happen to you but because it is the right thing to do'

Good luck to anyone who is struggling with a bully. No matter what you think, you are not alone and you have friends and support. Ask for help – nothing to be embarrassed of because it happens to more people than you ever would think.